Why are You in a Relationship That's Not Working Out??
Ask yourself this question and then decide what steps you can take
towards making your life better and happier.
1. You got in it for the wrong reasons but you are afraid to end it or you don't want to "hurt" the other person's feelings. (Sex, Money, Stability, pleasing other people, fame, publicity, etc.)
2. You lack an individual identity. It's a codependent relationship for either identity,
substance abuse, or financial stability and you don't know how to end it.
substance abuse, or financial stability and you don't know how to end it.
3.You got lost in your parental roles when the children came. Most parents soon neglect or completely forget that they are a couple and don't know how to get back the love and romance.
4. You're trying to get back to having a shared vision of success. "Everything changed when we got married!" He thinks it's your job to cook and clean, but you disagreed. He doesn't help with the kids or the housework as much as he should. You never really talked about your expectations and you took each other for granted.
5.You have a fear of being alone or lonely. You've never developed your own identity and you depend on the other person to validate who you are as a person. You don't want to miss out on all the fun, but the other person really doesn't "turn you on" anymore, either.
6. Your unmet expectations became everyday frustrations. Some people think that that when they aren't happy, he or she is supposed to force his/her significant other to make the changes required to make them happy again. This usually takes the form of complaining, blaming, criticizing, nagging, threatening, punishing and/or bribing. They are merely waiting for the situation to change on its own without any actual intervention or progress.
7. Finances and incompatibility in the financial arena has caused problems but there is no easy escape from the responsibilities. You don't want to be homeless or broke.
6. Your unmet expectations became everyday frustrations. Some people think that that when they aren't happy, he or she is supposed to force his/her significant other to make the changes required to make them happy again. This usually takes the form of complaining, blaming, criticizing, nagging, threatening, punishing and/or bribing. They are merely waiting for the situation to change on its own without any actual intervention or progress.
7. Finances and incompatibility in the financial arena has caused problems but there is no easy escape from the responsibilities. You don't want to be homeless or broke.
8. Being out of touch with the situation. Location or circumstances have taken you away from your partner, but you hold on to the relationship for appearances sake or for legal purposes. The sex is convenient but there is no real affection.
9. Your shared priorities and interests (or business dealings) have kept you two together but there is no real "spark" or excitement in the relationship. Of course, having "me time" is important as well, but unless you can find your common passions and look for ways to experience them together, you'll inevitably grow farther and farther apart.
10. Inability to resolve conflicts keeps you together just enough to prevent a separation. A "referee" or "mediator" is needed to help define the problems and teach you to move through the charged emotions so resentments don't linger.
All of the above situations spell imminent danger in any relationship and should point the couple towards COUNSELING or, at least, to Mediation or Discussion in order to resolve the issues. However, this may not have happened for various reasons.
Either one or both of the partners are:
AFRAID, ASHAMED, STUBBORN, CLUELESS, PRIDEFUL, ANGRY, WEAK, STUPID, CRAZY, TROUBLED, OR REFUSES TO ADMIT...that there are problems in the relationship.
This is called: DENIAL...and is more dangerous than any of the other problems put together.
Denial, is a mental and psychological problem that requires professional evaluation and help. If you are the rational and sane partner of the relationship and you recognize the cause of the problems but your partner refuses to admit their faults or refuses to seek assistance, it would be wise for you to leave the relationship or to seek a separation until your partner reaches a logical or sane resolution. If you do not or cannot recognize the problems and your partner acts to end the relationship, you will feel like you have been BLINDSIDED by their actions, when in reality they have just moved on.
My next blog will talk about some legal pitfalls to avoid to keep from destroying your whole life, and not just the relationship.
10. Inability to resolve conflicts keeps you together just enough to prevent a separation. A "referee" or "mediator" is needed to help define the problems and teach you to move through the charged emotions so resentments don't linger.
All of the above situations spell imminent danger in any relationship and should point the couple towards COUNSELING or, at least, to Mediation or Discussion in order to resolve the issues. However, this may not have happened for various reasons.
Either one or both of the partners are:
AFRAID, ASHAMED, STUBBORN, CLUELESS, PRIDEFUL, ANGRY, WEAK, STUPID, CRAZY, TROUBLED, OR REFUSES TO ADMIT...that there are problems in the relationship.
This is called: DENIAL...and is more dangerous than any of the other problems put together.
Denial, is a mental and psychological problem that requires professional evaluation and help. If you are the rational and sane partner of the relationship and you recognize the cause of the problems but your partner refuses to admit their faults or refuses to seek assistance, it would be wise for you to leave the relationship or to seek a separation until your partner reaches a logical or sane resolution. If you do not or cannot recognize the problems and your partner acts to end the relationship, you will feel like you have been BLINDSIDED by their actions, when in reality they have just moved on.
My next blog will talk about some legal pitfalls to avoid to keep from destroying your whole life, and not just the relationship.
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